You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have. . .

. . . the facts of life. Whoa, who would've thought. Well, yesterday I had to go to Payge's school for her first installment of the birds and the bees. Yeah, like an over-protective mom I went. But to be fair, there were three other moms there. Anyway, so she got to watch "It's a Change Thing: It's a Girl Thing". All I can say is that it was, like all of us remember it to be, completely hokey. Anyway, I guess I should back up and tell the story from the beginning.

So last Thursday, the 10th, Payge hands me this note from school, which states that on the 17th they are going to burst the bubble of my little girl's childhood and announce to her that her girl parts all have a working function. After the initial shock and awe I collected my thoughts and knew what I had to do. :(

So I announce to her quietly on Saturday morning that I'm taking her out, by herself. She's really happy to hear this, since it means time with Mom without Kate being around. We jump in the car and head off for some girl time, all the while I'm trying to put on a brave front and appear to be completely relaxed and normal, when in reality I felt completely nauseous. Which surprised me, because I wasn't really THAT nervous. I mean, I know she's going to find out in less than a week, with or without my help, so I was ready to be the one to tell her. But still, nauseous. My reasoning for taking her out was two fold: First, I didn't want Kate to hear one word of what was being said; and two, I wanted Payge to look back on this day and have a really, really good memory of it. I didn't want it to be traumatic or weird, but very normal. Especially given the fact that this is by far not the only discussion we'll have on the subject. Anyway, it went as well as one could expect, but at least I can say we got through it.

So, Thursday I go and sit in on this video, thanking God that this was not the first time Payge was going to hear this stuff. I think she probably appreciated that fact as well. So we're sitting towards the back and I've got three rows of girls in front of me. And as the video starts there are some snickers and some sideways glances. But one little girl in particular made me laugh and broke my heart at the same time. I could tell that all of this was very shocking news to her, because she would gasp, mouth wide open, and then a look of disbelief would come over her, and then she would whip her head around to see what all the other girls were doing. Poor girl, she didn't know what hit her. I wanted to laugh at the mere sight of her, but even more I was sad. Sad because her mom wasn't there. Sad because it was so painfully obvious that her mom hadn't even bothered to have a conversation with her.

In pondering all of this last night, it hit me why I was so nauseous: It's because I was stealing from "my little girl". Stealing a big chunk of her childhood. Stealing a big part of her innocence. And maybe a little bit of that sick feeling had to do with the fact that to me she's still too young to have to worry with all of these things. And sick because I know that she's not too young to have to deal with these things. Ah, the joys of parenting and the public school system.

Well, sometimes you just gotta cave. . .

Okay, so I know I've totally been against the entire concept of blogging. I even went so far as to tell a couple of you that "I'd rather live my life than write about it." Uh, yeah. Bring me your home-baked humble pie & I promise I'll lick the plate clean.

So I'm not sure why the shift, but I guess that's how the Lord works. Lately I've just felt Him prodding me to start blogging. Believe me, I really fought the good fight, but you know who always wins.

At any rate, I guess my hope for this blog is not just to entertain with stories from my day-to-day life, but on the other hand I know I'm not a wise enough woman to move anyone to tears like some of you (yeah, you know who you are!) with words straight from the Lord's mouth. I guess for now I'll just be obedient & let things shake out on their own.

Maybe part of my fear in starting a blog was this: I'm not sure that my inner thoughts will make sense to ANYONE who might come across this little endeavor. So I'll say right now that if you don't get it, you're probably not the only one. Ha, it makes me laugh just thinking of all my friends reading these entries with their heads cocked and a blank look on their face.

Another fear is this: I live a pretty boring life, all in all. Who wants to take the time to read blogs about a person who sits at the computer all day, only to occasionally get up to change over the laundry or have a brief conversation with her dogs?! Maybe I can make up some interesting stories. . . hmmmmmmmm.

Okay, so now that you've taken the time to read the world's longest first blog I'll just reiterate that I named it "rantings of a thirty-something" for a reason. Not mere coincidence, my friends.